Three Ridiculous Reasons Each Team will MAKE the Super Bowl

There are some very legitimate reasons Why each of the remaining Teams in the NFL Playoffs could win the Super Bowl.

These are not those reasons.

We’re down to the final four teams in the NFL playoffs, and many would agree these have been the four best teams all season. Everyone belongs, but only one team can win the Super Bowl. There is a legitimate case for each of them. But…going through those reasons would be kind of boring, and there are plenty of smarter people than me to explain them to you.

Instead, let’s focus on some less realistic reasons. Reasons that will likely have no affect on the outcome of the games. Ridiculous reasons, you could even say.

The Kansas City Chiefs

Reason 1: Joe Burrow develops Lung Cancer
Am I rooting for this? Not even a little bit. I would never ever wish something like this on someone. But Joey B is known for lighting up a post-game cigar after notable victories, and the Bengals have had plenty a victory to celebrate as of recent. What if, on Tuesday, Joe gets sick. Upon arrival to the hospital, it’s discovered he has late-stage Lung Cancer (due to the cigars) and will have to sit out at least one week to undergo more tests. The Chiefs steam roll the Bengals and back up QB Brandon Allen, and easily move on to the Super Bowl.

Reason 2: Kadarius Toney finishes with more yards (172) than he’s had all season (171)
This would be particularly painful for Giants fans. First, you have to watch your team get steamrolled by the Eagles. Next, you have to watch the first rounder you drafted (and then promptly traded away) dominate in the biggest game of his team’s season and singlehandedly carry them to the Super Bowl. After last weekend against the Jags, I imagine all eyes will be on Travis Kelce, giving the Chiefs a unique opportunity to game plan for a big Toney day. Oh and by the way, he’s had 189 yards in one game before. This isn’t completely crazy.

Reason 3: A JuJu Tik Tok starts a pre-game brawl and Bengals players are ejected
Would it be irresponsible for JuJu to film a Tik Tok in the Bengals’ locker room where he dances on the jerseys of Bengals players in front of their face, only to have Ja’Marr Chase and Trey Hendrickson fight him and ultimately result in their disqualification from the game? Absolutely. Would it be in the best interest of the team though? Also absolutely.

The Cincinnati Bengals

Reason 1: Mahomes injures his other ankle shooting a State Farm commercial
You don’t have to get that personal to get the State Farm personalized price plan, but you do have to get X-rays for the franchise quarterback after he slipped on an extremely soapy floor (from all those bath bombs) and sprained his OTHER ankle shooting a commercial on his off day. Oh what is that? You’re saying he’d never shoot a commercial in-season, especially the week leading up to a Championship game? Well that kinda defeats the purpose of this article, doesn’t it?

Reason 2: Travis Kelce books a podcast guest during the game itself
The Kelce brothers podcast “New Heights” has been a huge success, but it was extremely dumb of Travis to book Tom Brady during his Championship game. Brady was a huge get for the podcast, and since Jason will already be home and showered from his game, Travis can’t just leave his brother hanging to interview the GOAT alone. Call it a scheduling snafu, but needless to say, after the Chiefs lose the game because Travis wasn’t able to be in two places at once, he’ll be hiring an assistant for all bookings moving forward.

Reason 3: The Chiefs show up to the wrong side of Kansas City
It’s been a long and emotional road for the Chiefs, and who could really blame them if they get a little confused about where the game is being played. Sure, it’s in their home town, but how were they supposed to know Kansas City is in Missouri? It has Kansas in the name for crying out loud. On game day, the Chiefs’ bus drivers will pull into the Kansas side of Kansas City, and by the time the Chiefs catch their mistake and make it across state lines, it’s too late. They had to forfeit the game by default. Tough break for a team from the actual city the game is held in, but hey. It happens.

The Philadelphia Eagles

Reason 1: The Niners have a third QB injury and have to play Caff at QB
Like LeBron said, “Not one, not two, not three..” except it’s actually just three. THREE QB injuries for the 49ers. What are the odds? Big C*ck Brock goes down with groin inflammation (balls just too big) and the Niners are left with no choice but to play McCaffrey at QB. He can run, he can block, he can catch, and now he has to throw. The good news is, despite his best efforts, he’s not able to throw to himself and the Eagles squeak out a close and competitive win.

Reason 2: The Titans also trade Derrick Henry to the Eagles
Trading AJ Brown for peanuts wasn’t enough for the Titans, and they want to return to the well with their favorite trade partner. The Titans agree to send Henry to the Eagles in time for kickoff, and the NFL waives the fact it’s well beyond the deadline and super illegal to do. The Titans have a plan to replace Derrick Henry in the draft, and fresh off three weeks of vacation, Henry comes in and bulldozes the unsuspecting Niners defense that had no time to game plan.

Reason 3: Nick Foles returns
In a devastating twist, Jalen Hurts goes down with a leg injury in the third quarter. But who’s that in the stands? Nick Foles is in Philadelphia for the game?? And he’s suiting up?? Is that even legal? (No, but who cares). He’s getting into the game, leads a late comeback, and is once again slated to start for the Eagles in the Super Bowl. Somewhere in Florida, three hurricane cocktails deep, Doug Pederson sheds a tear of joy as he watches his favorite son return to the mountain top.

The San Francisco 49ers

Reason 1: Kyle Shanahan cleanses the bad spirits
Look, call it bad luck, but this guy is cursed when it matters most. the 28-3 Falcons Super Bowl loss was at his hands as an OC, and the Niners have had some devastating breaks in both the regular season and post season since his arrival, even despite their success. While his brain is sharper than ever, the vibes are also harsher than ever. Thankfully, Kyle burns sage around the facility and is able to completely cleanse himself and his team of the evil spirits that have been haunting him, and the team easily moves on to the Super Bowl.

Reason 2: George Kittle does as much cocaine as the bear in “Cocaine Bear”
First off, if you haven’t heard about the movie “Cocaine Bear” familiarize yourself. Secondly, it’s too late in the season to be drug testing anyone, and I’m assuming Kittle does enough coke naturally to have it not show up in his tests anyway. That’s why, right before kickoff, the Niners are going to lock Kittle in a room with 75 pounds of powder and let their emotional leader get…emotional. Things go great and the Niners win easily. The only problem was George literally tore a guy’s head off while blocking, but it was a backup defensive lineman, so no one really cares.

Reason 3: The Eagles bench Hurts for Tua again
How did Tua end up on the Eagles? That’s mostly semantics. But what does matter is Hurts has to go through a flashback to his Alabama days and is forced to watch as his own team benches him after an MVP level performance for a guy that hasn’t won on the big stage. Unlike in college, when Tua pulled off the impossible, this time he struggles mightily (mostly due to his lack of knowledge of the playbook and 0 chemistry with teammates) and the Eagles get blown out.