The 2023 NFL Anti Awards Show
Soon, the NFL will be awarding the best. instead, I will be awarding the Worst.
The 2023 NFL awards are right around the corner, and I’m so close to cashing my preseason Justin Jefferson OPOY bet (+2000!) I can almost taste it. I also had a Jalen Hurts MVP bet at +5500 that I don’t wanna talk about it. So close man.
Anyway. The awards are pretty much already determined, and debating them felt boring. So why not debate this season’s worst performers instead?
This was a fun walk down memory lane. And as a Saints fan, by “fun” I more mean “felt physical pain and still need multiple years of therapy to properly recover from.”
LEAST VALUABLE PLAYER:
Nominees: Matt Ryan, Deshaun Watson, Russell Wilson, Zach Wislon
Just like the real NFL awards, this is a quarterback award. There’s really no way to sugar coat this. All these guys were terrible. Matt Ryan led what many people considered the favorite team for the AFC South title, but fans lost hope in record time after Week 2’s 24-0 and 3 interception loss. Well, almost record time. Russell Wilson lost Broncos fans Week 1 after his Hollywood script-level collapse against his former team. Deshaun Watson was unable to lose his fans in Week 1 due to his 11 game suspension for his sexual assaults and harassment, then came back to wildly disappoint (to the absolute joy of everyone with a moral compass). But somehow, worse than that, was Zach Wilson. The former second overall pick, who drew comparisons to Patrick Mahomes (maybe we don’t compare guys to Mahomes, just a thought) took a playoff caliber roster and singlehandedly nose-dived the season. Whether it was removing himself from blame after a 9/22, 77 yard day, or getting benched for bearded Taysom Hill (Chris Streveler), Zach was truly the worst of the worst. Congrats Zach. You earned it.
Winner: Zach Wilson
WORST OFFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR:
Nominees: Cam Akers, Gabe Davis, Kenny Golladay, Kyle Pitts
Were there lineman who were probably really bad? Yes. But again, like the real NFL awards, focusing on skill players for this one. Well, these guys were skilled at being bad. I apologize. Anyway, Cam Akers went from a promising young running back on the Super Bowl winner’s high-powered offense to considering retirement after an extremely poor start to the season. Gabe Davis was supposed to be the Tee Higgins to Stefon Diggs’ Ja’Marr Chase (that makes sense, right?) but all he did instead was obliterate the Steelers in one single game and otherwise lead the league in drops. Kenny Golladay, the 18th highest paid WR in the NFL, couldn’t find playing time on a team that would give WR snaps to an Uber driver if he asked nice. And of course, my child, Kyle Pitts. I have no words. I blame Arthur Smith for not throwing the ball and Marcus Mariota for not being able to throw the ball. He was the #4 overall pick. What are we doing? It makes me so mad. Anyway, he was bad. Real bad. But I’ve got to give it to Golladay for his 6 catches on an $18M/year contract. $3M a catch is just good business.
Winner: Kenny Golladay
WORST DEFENSIVE PLAYER OF THE YEAR:
Full transparency, didn’t care enough to do this one. Gonna just move on since I am the judge and jury here.
Winner: Me
WORST COACH OF THE YEAR:
Nominees: Todd Bowles/Byron Leftwich, Nathaniel Hackett, Josh McDaniels, Matt Patricia/Joe Judge
Honorable Mention: Jeff Saturday
Really quick on Saturday: I can’t imagine starting into that guy’s eyes as a DT. I would just be lost in the sauce. I’m 85% sure they’re why he got the coaching job in the first place. But anyway. As for the actual nominees, do NOT get me started on Bowles and Leftwich man. As a Saints fan, watching that tandem beat your team twice was maybe worse than a Saw trap. At least they established the run. The Hackett era in Denver was comedy. He just wasn’t ready to be a head coach, and it showed, early. Like, first quarter of the first game early. He definitely was a bit of a scapegoat for other Russell Wilson shaped problems, but that said, he did himself almost no favors. McDaniels I think is a sneaky contender here. The Raiders had 3/5 worst collapses of the season, including the loss to the Baker Mayfield Rams after Baker had less than 48 hours with a playbook. Lastly, the Patriots offensive coordinators, led by career defensive coordinator Matt Patricia. Everyone said it wouldn’t work. Everyone was right. Belichick should take more blame but I’ll assign it to them for now. And you know what? Maybe controversial here but I’m going with the Bucs duo. Between the egregious play-calling, lack of adjustments and aggressiveness, and overall inability to get more out of their still very talented roster, I’m more than happy to award them as the worst. Can’t believe the Saints lost twice to that team. Awful.
Winner: Todd Bowles and Byron Leftwich
WORST COMEBACK OF THE YEAR:
Nominees: Baker Mayfield, Michael Thomas, Jameis Winston, Chase Young
If you looked at preseason betting odds for Comeback Player of the Year award voting, these were four of the top 15 guys you could pick from. Where do I begin? Baker had to compete with Sam Darnold, his draft classmate, for a starting gig which he eventually lost and is now looking at a best-case scenario as Matthew Stafford’s backup. Michael Thomas played great! For two games. And then disappeared with an injury. Absolutely shocking. I’m a Saints fan and I truly don’t even have a full understanding of what happened. Jameis came back and then lost his job to Andy Dalton, who played horribly, and STILL the Saints wouldn’t put Jameis back. Do you sense a theme here? Lastly, Chase Young just didn’t come back, period. Like yes, I know he played the final three games of the season but that doesn’t count. Anyway, the winner? Anyone that cheers for a team that’s not the Saints. Congratulations. I can’t believe I convinced myself we were a dark hose Super Bowl team in August. This is my punishment.
Winner: Everyone that isn’t a Saints fan
WORST ROOKIE OF THE YEAR:
Nominees: Treylon Burkes, Jordan Davis, Kaiir Elam, Trevor Penning
I did two things with this. First, I limited it to all rookies. We’re not going to do a worst offensive and defensive, we’re just picking one guy. Second, it’s only first rounders. I’m not doing a Malik Willis debate here. Anyway, Burkes was tasked with being AJ Brown. He came into camp out of shape, and took a while to catch up. He had moments where he flashed, but was unquestionably a disappointment. Jordan Davis was fine. Like he was good even. But he barely played, and the Eagles were comically deep on the D-line, so they didn’t need him as much. As the 14th overall pick for what’s now a Super Bowl contender, it feels like maybe someone else would’ve been a lot more valuable to this team in hindsight. Kaiir Elam got outplayed by his sixth round counterpart Christian Benford and struggled to find playing time even after his team was decimated at corner. And of course, this wouldn’t be a “worst” debate if my Saints didn’t find a way in to it. Penning played 124 total offensive snaps and struggled with injury for a team that needed a win-now player. I swear it’s not a Saints bias, but I have to give it to Penning. At least the other guys had moments where they were good.
Winner: Trevor Penning
Alriiiiiiight. That’ll do it. I don’t drink but writing this made me want to start! Thanks for reading.
