Super Bowl Recap: AS Sung BY Rihanna
What’s the only thing better than her halftime show? Reliving it.
Rihanna is an absolute icon. I will not hear otherwise, but I also can’t imagine anyone arguing that, so maybe a mute point.
Her halftime show was one for the ages. Personally, it’s my favorite I’ve ever seen.
To commemorate her highness, I’m going to recap the Super Bowl from start to finish by only using the names of Rihanna songs. Not going to lie, this was ridiculously easy to do. Also side note, she has SO many bangers. I’m literally listening to her as I write this. Queen.
Ok seamless transition into the article ready GO.
”SOS” - The Chiefs Start Slow
The Eagles looked amazing from the very jump. They started with the ball, and easily moved down the field to take an early lead (yes, with a Jalen Hurts TD that I bet on). Besides the Hurts fumble touchdown, they looked borderline unstoppable. Patrick Mahomes looked like he re-injured his ankle after an ugly tackle in the second quarter. Harrison Butker doinked an easy kick, which was only further proof the Chiefs should’ve gone for it in that moment. If anything, it felt lucky the Chiefs were only down 10 points at halftime.
”Pon De Replay” - WTF is a Catch
The refs had to go to the replay early and often in this game. It started with the very first touchdown being called back, which again, as a Jalen Hurts TD bettor I was perfectly fine with. Then there was the Devonta Smith catch, which was definitely a catch. I don’t just say that as a Devonta Smith longest catch bettor either (he hit later, it was fine). Later in the game, Goedert had an extremely questionable catch too. Look, I know it’s hard to be a ref, but can we just all agree if the guy catches the fucking ball it’s a catch? Stop taking away these amazing plays because it wiggles a tiny bit on the ground. So dumb.
”Love the Way You Lie” - Mahomes Ankle Injury
I’m not saying Mahomes wasn’t injured, he clearly was. Especially after he reaggravated the injury in that second quarter scramble. But also he ran for almost 50 yards! Including the game winning 26 yard scramble on the Chiefs’ final drive. I’ve had a high ankle sprain, and I’m definitely not comparing myself to an NFL player and their pain tolerance, but I literally couldn’t fucking walk at all. I’ll accept two explanations. Either this man Mahomes has the healing powers of a water bender from Avatar, or the ankle injury was less severe than we all thought.
”Please Don’t Stop the Music” - The Halftime Show
I mean dear God. She was so good. The Super Smash Bros floating platforms. The death glares to camera. The outfit. The dancers. The energy. The BABY. Like in real time I was on the ground, relentlessly praying to the God that is Rihanna. Can we just have her do it every year? I don’t even need new music, idc, just do that again and again. I’ll be there. I’m still emotionally recovering to be honest.
”Bitch Better Have My Money” - Pay Jalen Hurts
Well before this game was over, it was abundantly clear that Jalen Hurts deserves the bag. He finished with just under 375 total yards, including 70 on the ground. He combined for four touchdowns. He literally had one bad play in the entire game. He went toe-to-toe with Mahomes, and in the end, was only denied of his chance to tie the game back up because of a questionable call (we’ll get to that very soon). He’s eligible for an extension, and he’s absolutely earned every penny of what will hopefully be one of the highest paying contracts for any QB in the league. Especially after an offseason where Kyler Murray and DeShaun Watson broke the bank, I can only imagine what Hurts is worth.
”Take a Bow” - Howie Roseman and Tubi
Okay two-parter here. About three quarters of the way through the game, I started looking at the Eagles roster (and more importantly, salaries) for next year. They can 10000% run it back. The way Howie Roseman figured out their contract structure is absolutely wild. They’re literally somehow paying AJ Brown only $8M next year. That’s scandalous. Oh, and they swindled my Saints and got a top draft pick this year out of the deal. Seriously Howie, hats off. Meanwhile, Tubi figured out how to be the only brand I remembered advertising at the Super Bowl. Still not gonna try it, but nice work.
”Rude Boy” - The Ref that Called the Hold
And now, the beginning of the end. You just can’t call a hold in that situation, even if it was the right call. That was one of the best Super Bowls I’ve ever seen, and for it to end on a dud call like that is definitely a let down. That said, it was a penalty. Just not one that needed to be called. We can all play the what-if game, but it certainly would’ve been fun to see Hurts and the Eagles have one last (real) shot at the end.
”Stay” - Andy Reid Returning as Coach
Maybe you missed it, but Andy Reid confirmed he’d like to come back as head coach of the Chiefs, which answers some questions about his possible retirement. He’s integral to their success, and bringing him back is just another reason why the Chiefs should open as early favorites to repeat next year. I’m glad he’s coming back. He’s one of the most creative play designers in the entire NFL, and mostly I’d just miss seeing that mustache on the sideline every week.
”Diamonds” Mahomes on the GOAT Path
Of course, there’s no better way to summarize that Super Bowl than to talk about where this leaves Mahomes. He’s 27 years old. He’s a 2x Super Bowl Champion (and MVP). He’s made 3x Super Bowl Appearances. He’s made 5x Conference Championships. You know who else did all of that over the course of their entire career? Peyton Manning. Heard he was pretty good. Mahomes is rewriting how we view young quarterbacks in front of our very eyes, and is well on his way towards a career that could easily put him in the debate for best to ever to do it. Who knows, maybe by the time it’s all said and done it won’t be a debate. But either way, he really needed this one. And well, to no one’s surprise, he got it.
