DRAFTING THE BEST DRAFTS FROM THE NFL
Does the title of this article slightly confuse you? Good. Because, yeah. Same.
Thankfully, I am here to clear up any and all confusion. The purpose of this lil’ piece of writing is to analyze who really won and lost the 2023 NFL Draft, including all the moves before, during, and after that took place.
Naturally, you’ll of course see teams that had multiple first round picks come out as winners, but also, like duh? You had two first round picks, I better like your draft. I did tryyyyy and add a little nuance, so it’s not just as simple as two first round picks = A+++++!!!
Also, as the title says, I’m not grading at all. I’m ranking, in the form of a draft. Because like, it was a draft. It’s a play on words. You get it.
Moving on! I’m only going to draft my top 10 favorites, with a few honorable mentions to get started. Unlike the actual draft, however, I’ll be saving my top picks for last.
So without further ado, I welcome you to read my draft of all the team’s drafts. And no, spoiler alert, the Saints did not make it.
HONORABLE MENTIONS: Tennessee Titans, Miami Dolphins, Green Bay Packers
I’m going to just loop all these together in one long blurb, but I do like these drafts all for very different reasons.
Starting with Tennessee, I’m a big fan of teams that don’t reach and play their board. The Titans did just that, and then some. They walked away with a guy most people considered to be the clear second best tackle in the draft, and some even having him as their #1 in Peter Skoronski. Dude has some short arms, so he might just be a guard, but either way he’s a sure fire way to improve their line. And then, while I’m definitely not a Will Levis truther, taking a swing at a QB who was mocked to go top 5 early in the second round is my kind of swing. Even if Levis doesn’t pan out, the value was astronomical (and too high to pass on for a QB needy team). They also took some swings at adding some playmakers to a pretty stagnant offense, which doesn’t hurt.
Miami is a different story. While I love what they did with their limited draft capitol (drafting a 1st round graded corner Cam Smith in the 2nd, and speedster Devon Achane in the 3rd), it’s really about what they did with the picks they traded away. The first round pick they didn’t have to forfeit this year (lol) is now Bradley Chubb, and an additional third round pick became Jalen Ramsey. And then, lastly, they paid off some 4th and 6th round picks to complete the Tyreek Hill trade. Miami is loading up to compete for real in the AFC, during a window few can actually compete in. It might not pay off, but I salute them for going for it (and adding value in the few places they could).
Lastly, the Packers. I’m not in love with their first round choice, Lukas Van Ness, but it is about where I expected him to go, and it was an awkward place in the draft to be making a selection. Best case they trade down there, but walking away with Van Ness (who has elite upside) isn’t a bad swing. What I really loved was their second and third round, though. They took two big swings at elite playmaking at the TE position with Luke Musgrave and Tucker Kraft, and with a young QB in Jordan Love, finding a reliable TE as a safety blanket could go a long way. They also drafted WR Jayden Reed, who I not only love, but I think compliments the skill room they already have very well. The only thing I’d redo if I were them is taking Sean Clifford, but alas, my head is not made of cheese.
kk that was a lot. I’ll try to move faster but no promises.
10: The Detroit Lions
Remember early in this piece when I said having two first round draft picks is a great way to get me to love your draft? The Lions really put that theory to the test. Taking a RB (Jahmyr Gibbs) in the first round, let alone top 12, let alone the consensus SECOND best guy is like grounds for being fired. It’s bad positional value, there’s no way around it. They also doubled down on poor positional value by taking an off-ball linebacker with their pick just six selections later. But then, miraculously, they were able to grab Brian Branch and Sam LaPorta in the second round, two guys that both flirted with first round mocks. And lastly, while they didn’t take a QB with a top pick, they took a swing at a guy many people projected they’d take in the first (Hendon Hooker) with their third round pick. That’s smart positional value assessment! Great work Lions! Could’ve used that in the first round, but whatever. It’s almost impossible for this draft to be bad with 5 top 70 picks, but that said, it’s not great for what they had going in.
9: The New England Patriots
As a petty man myself, I loved the Patriots draft. Trading out of their spot to fuck over the Jets and let the Steelers take the tackle their division rival wanted is an A+ on the “Bitch Boy” scale, Billiam. It helps they were still able to land the guy I think they would’ve taken at 14 had they stayed put in Cristian Gonzalez, but the trade clearly told me they were fine with taking whichever corner Washington didn’t take. I also like the high upside swings on green room invite Keion White and former top prospect Kayshon Boutte. Just an all around good draft for the Patriots. Nice to see a team that’s struggled so much over these last couple decades finally get a win.
8: The New York Giants
The Giants are my least favorite of a run of teams that simply just did a good job not fucking up their picks when they fell to them. I don’t want to give GMs too many flowers for doing this, but it is remarkable how many GMs also fuck this part of the job up (cough, hi Lions). The Giants snagged the top corner left on the board with their first round pick in Deonte Banks, then came back in the second and grabbed the top center in the entire draft, which also filled a huge position of need. In the third, they grabbed probably the fastest WR in the whole draft, Jalin Hyatt, which was great value given he was also mocked as a potential first round guy. I just think if you’re a Giants fan, you feel great about those three picks and walk away under the impression that your team upgraded it’s three biggest positions of need with three valuable guys. That’s a huge win.
7: The Buffalo Bills
Keeping the train rolling a little bit, but with a slight twist, I really loved what the Bills did. They traded up one spot ahead of Dallas to snag Dalton Kincaid, the first tight end off the board. It’s impossible to know if Dallas was going to take Kincaid, but he’s definitely someone that was tied to them a lot. They came back in the second and upgraded their line with the top guard in the class, O’Cyrus Torrence, and even tried to find their Tremaine Edmunds replacement with a swing on Tulane’s Dorian Williams in the third. I even liked Justin Shorter, the Florida WR they drafted in the 5th. It’s not a deep class, but the two moves they made off the bat are the most important anyway, and I think they nailed those.
6: The Seattle Seahawks
I know I’m a broken record, but I have to mention the two first round picks thing again. Hard to be bad. That said, I REALLY like what the Seahawks did with their’s. I thought Devon Witherspoon was the clear top corner in this class, and with the Jalen Carter character concerns, I think taking him at 5 was totally reasonable for the Seahawks to do. But then they came back around at pick #20, and without a trade, walked away with the best WR in the class in Jaxon Smith-Njigba. That’s fucking awesome. That’s how you play a draft board. I liked the Auburn edge they drafted fine, but I’m not going to pretend like I have a strong opinion there. They went a little early drafting another RB, but whatever. The Seahawks draft is all about what they did with their first round choices, and imo, they fucking nailed it. Almost as much as…
5: The Philadelphia Eagles
You know the Breaking Bad meme where Jessie screams into the void “HE CAN’T KEEP GETTING AWAY WITH THIS.” That’s me, watching Howie Roseman. To be honest, other than simply creating opportunities to draft good players, he’s not really doing anything that crazy. But then, miraculously, he walks away with the guy many people considered to be the best player in the entire draft at pick 9, only needing to make one tiny move up to grab him. Then, at the end of the first, he got an edge rusher (from the same defense, go Bulldogs), who ran a 4.4 40 yard dash and was generally considered to be a top 15~ prospect. Then, just because there aren’t enough Georgia players on the roster, they grabbed Kelee Ringo (CB) from Georgia to top it off. This is the team that was in the Super Bowl! And on paper, they got a whole lot better. Just wizardry from Howie, although he didn’t really do anything other than just wait for other GMs to draft badly.
4: The Indianapolis Colts
I really, really, really, REALLY, loved the Colts draft. If I was drafting #1 overall, and had a gun to my head, I would’ve taken Anthony Richardson. I know the toolsy guys don’t always work, but he’s not just a toolsy guy, he’s THE toolsy guy. Their new coach is the former OC from the Eagles, and is very familiar with putting together an effective offense for a QB that can threaten with both his arm and his legs. The fact they didn’t have to trade, either, is huge. Walking away with the guy I think could be the best QB in the class, as the third QB taken, is pretty rad. I also liked North Carolina WR Josh Downs, and I think he compliments Richardson’s skills well. Lastly, they took a DT named Adetomiwa Adebawore, who was projected a late first rounder but fell to the 4th because of medical flags. Sure, he might not pan out, but I like the swing that late in the draft. Overall, I think the Colts did a lot to improve their future outlook, and if this draft hits, it could be the best draft of anyone this year.
3: The Chicago Bears
My dad has a saying that goes “How do you eat an Elephant? One bite at a time.” I feel like that’s the perfect approach for fixing this atrocious roster. After lucking into the first round pick (thanks Lovie!) Chicago was able to add DJ Moore, a future first from Carolina which could easily be top ten next year, a whole lot more draft capitol, and still walked away with a top tackle to protect the QB they’re building around for the future. THAT’S a fat W. The Bears aren’t going anywhere next year, but Fields actually has an NFL WR to throw to now, and players on both sides of the line that will help the team take steps forward. If last year’s team was a -8 on the 1-10 scale of being an NFL team, this year, they’re like a 4? Maybe a 5? And that alone is huge.
2: The Pittsburgh Steelers
Excluding like MAJOR trades, this was definitely my favorite draft. I just loved the value and decision making that they used to inform their top picks. They traded ahead of the Jets to get the last good tackle at the end of a run in Broderick Jones, which also filled a HUGE hole on their roster. They fielded calls for the 32nd pick, but when they felt like they weren’t getting what they wanted, they settled on taking Joey Porter Jr. with what was essentially a first round pick. Porter is a legacy Steeler, which is awesome, too. They came back in the second and took Keeanu Benton, a DT that some thought might’ve been the second best in the class after Carter, and then in the 3rd, they grabbed my favorite pick in their draft: Darnell Washington. Washington is a fucking freaaaaaaak man, and the pairing of him and Pat Friermuth is super interesting. I just really, really love what they did with their top 4 picks. I think they walked away with 4/40 best players in the draft, and given that 3 of those picks were 32 and later, that’s pretty damn impressive.
1: The Arizona Cardinals
Did the Cardinals have the best draft, or did the Texans simply do one of the worst trades in recent memories? I’ll leave you to decide. But either way, the Cardinals somehow walked away with the top tackle in the class, Paris Johnson, the guy they probably would’ve just taken at 3 had they stayed, BUT here’s the kicker. They got the Texans 2024 first in their trade down to do so. By all approximations, the Texans are going to be a BAD team next year. If the Cardinals play their cards right (lol, no pun intended) they could end up with 2/5 top picks, or even 2/3 if things bounce their way. They are absolutely set up for next year, which is huge, given this is one of the worst rosters in the entire NFL. If they want to stick with Kyler next year, they can, and add a ton of ammo in the process. If they wanna draft Caleb Williams and Marvin Harrison Jr., they might be able to do that too. The world is their oyster next year, and it’s the Texans fault. Great job Cardinals. You’re my ultimate winner. Even though you selected sixth, you’re first in my heart.
